Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there's paper in my vomit.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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