Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
