I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
