If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
