we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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