just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
