She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
