My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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