A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
