Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How's work?
Spinning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
