guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
