My entire life is one complicated drinking game
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
