I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
