I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are we still banned from the library?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
