Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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