The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
