The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
