In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
