You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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