Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
