i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize