I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
farters have to be the big spoon...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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