if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
