The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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