she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
