i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
