I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
