i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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