Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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