I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
