i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize