I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
