So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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