i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
