Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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