Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
