Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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