I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
