So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need a burrito and a hug.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
