I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's the barista slut.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize