In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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