Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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