he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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