im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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