So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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