We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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