I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize