I think I won the penis lottery.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
