I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
