this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
