I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
