I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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