Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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