i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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