I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
