I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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