It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
