Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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