Fine. I'll sleep in my office
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
