fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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