4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
