I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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