She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
