So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize