Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
