my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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