remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
