I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
