I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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