if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
