just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You are the jesus of drinking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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