i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
