South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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