i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
