You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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