tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
