your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
