I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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