the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
