Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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