3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
