Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
