We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
