After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
