You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
cat food counts as protein by the way
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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