Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
