i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
