Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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