i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
