I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
