I bet he comes in French.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
