My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
