stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
