I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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