Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
