does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
